Some Tiny Omissions from My Vocab List for the Modern Sensualist Have Been Noticed

SEX

1. Sometimes understood to mean gender (see my notes on gender from a few days ago), but I think gender is performative/ learned/ constructed, something you play with (for ex. a butch is playing the masculine part, a femme is playing the feminine part, a futch is a femme who secretly plays team sports, a low femme is a femme who wears sensible shoes, etc.) Sex is more about your genital and hormonal make up- female, male, or intersex; 2. A conscious intimate act where all consenting participants experience orgasm (or some amount of pleasure); 3. A conscious consensual act where all participants are exposed to eachother's bodily fluids. The former is what people would rather talk about, the latter is what people avoid talking about until their life is threatened.

LOVE

1. Trust and understanding. 2. Warm iced pecan cinnamon sweet rolls.

LOVER - also see below "fuckbuddy"

1. Just a synonym for fuckbuddy; 2. a fuckbuddy who has had one working phone number for you for more than a year or through one move, especially if s/he helped you move; 3. anyone you think you've had sex with (usually in the #2 sense of sex).

TOP/ BOTTOM

1. Roles people take in sexual acts, or in power-charged office situations, like a staff meeting. These roles range from pillow queen (bottom), to switch, to stone (top). The closer you are to the pillow queen end of things, the more likely you are to own knee pads but not play hockey. The closer you are to stone, the more likely you are to wear a full outfit of clothes to bed, every night, even when you are sleeping alone.