OK, finally the

Slacker Stalker Guide to Shoebox Abuse

...an addendum to My Gender Identity Shoe Key



If you have shoes - i.e. a gender identiy - it's a metaphor, work with me - then you have a shoe box that you don't want to trap yourself or anyone else in.



Shoebox Use:

Safe storage for your ex's sex toys (borrowed permanently).

Shoebox Abuse:

Embarassing drag show photo storage- take them out! Let your little light shine!



Shoebox Use:

Starting element for diorama about what your life would be like if you were a football player or cheerleader.

Shoebox Abuse:

Starting element for diorama about your dark evil revenge fantasies about people who have made fun of your fashion choices.



Shoebox Use:

Handy storage for your spirit gum, fake facial hair, rhinestone bindis, glitter gel, false eyelashes, dressy polkadot bowties and cigarette holders.

Shoebox Abuse:

Unsanitary storage for the unfortunate mishap about which you are still in denial involving the Martha Stewart homeade vanilla soy sauce peanut brittle recipe when you were having a feminine nesting urge. Own your fabulous failures! How will you find a way to link to your inner feminine side if you don't find out how NOT to?



Shoebox Use:

House for your baby guinea pig named Thor, or your little garter snake named Penelope. Or your girl rat you named Boy.

Shoebox Abuse:

Carefully hidden home for that one ostentatious pair of platform latex glitter boots that you bought on a dare but haven't had the guts to wear and are hoping your friends forget about. Flex your feet, flex your gender!



Coming soon: ten new spiritual rules to live with, including spiritual spelling rules.