Lovin' Those Gmail Ads

I have a rendezvous with a web design person -- who I've never met in person-- about a project, and he wrote me the following magic eight words:

You can’t miss me. I have green hair.

And here are the headlines of the links-- based on those eight words-- that Gmail helpfully provided in the margin:

• Remi Cuticle Virgin Hair


• No more Chlorine Buildup


• METROPOLITAN DIGEST
  
  Kansas City Star - 15 hours ago
  A baby was left at Truman Medical Center on Tuesday afternoon, and ...


• Police seek info after body found
  
  Townsville Bulletin - Apr 12, 2005
  The body of the woman, in her early 40s was found at 1.30pm at Rowes ...

Everything is Turgid

I am sorry, but I find this sentence hard to forgive, even in a book with brilliant moments and an interesting premise, and especially as the opening line of a chapter.

She used her thumbs to pull the lace panties from her waist, allowing her engorged genitalia the teasing satisfaction of the humid summer updrafts, which brought with them the smells of burdock, birch, burning rubber, and beef broth, and would now pass on her particular animal scent to northward noses, like a message transmitted through a line of schoolchildren in a childish game, so that the final one to smell might lift his head and say, Borsht?

I'm sure other people found Jonathan Safran Foer's "Everything is Illuminated" to be a work of unprecedented genius, but I'm here to tell you, it can only be appreciated if you can ignore that his Sasha speaks some horribly fake Ringlish (or Ruslish, however you like), and his non-Sasha narrator spews out some real stomach churners, like that one above.

As I bounce gleefully into the new Eoin Colfer, The Artemis Fowl Files, with my favorite juvie-lit heroine Captain Holly Short!