Lifestyles of the People Among Whom I Was Raised
-- or, when "talking about their marriage" went terribly wrong.

This is a choice article clipped from the Watertown Daily Times this past summer by my parents and sent to me as part of a pre-Easter care package which included striped bunny socks that say "Make the stupid people shut up." As far as local Crime News clippings go, my parents specialize in husband-beatings, 25-cent petit larcenies, and "refused to stop yelling outside" charges.

Woman Faces Charge of Hitting Her Husband

DEXTER* [i.e. Northern New York, see my note] -- A woman who allegedly backhanded her husband in the chest was charged July 8 by the Jefferson County Sheriff's Department with second-degree harassment.

Deputies said Deborah J. Gross, 41, of 21018 Stone Road**, struck her husband, Allen L., 44, while at home at about 6:30 p.m. July 8.

Two days earlier, Mr. Gross accused his wife of trying to threaten him with a hammer and beating him with a pair of jeans. He said the two were talking about their marriage when she grabbed a hammer. He said he "lovingly" took the hammer away from her.

He told deputies that she then grabbed a pair of jeans and hit him about the head and arms with them.

* These touching events took place in Dexter, New York, about an hour's drive north of "Upstate," -- and
** at an address
10 minutes' drive west of where I'm from, which I affectionately call North Nosebleed

...Per City-data.com: the Dexter area is significantly lower than the state average in percent of people with more than a high school diploma, and even that is only 80%. As I sit here waiting anxiously to find out if I got into UC Berkeley's public policy institute, I'm enjoying a rousing/ vertiginous look back (down) at whence I've come. (Russians ask "otkuda ty?" -- "whence you?" -- and I say "neotkuda" -- "no-whence.")

Pretty much keeping out of jail puts me on par with some of our highest achievers. Like our journalists.

You gotta love 'em, they give the perp's full name and address. I mean, look at the place on the yahoo-maps link! It's got to be the only house for miles. I'm surprised they don't add the house color and significant lawn ornaments you might recognize. "Oh yeah, that's that pig-silhouette house!"

An Update: Resolution 137 Cancelled, Iraqi Women Breathe a Sigh of Relief

According to the Women Living Under Muslim Laws International Solidarity Network (WLUML), the introduction of the anti-woman Sharia (Islamic law) into the new Iraqi constitution was halted on February 27th by the Iraqi Governing Council (IGC, formed by the Paul Bremer-led Coalition Provisional Authority [CPA]).

Here is part of the March 3rd WLUML announcement's text:

A proposal to the IGC was submitted by Ms. Raja al Khazaai, an IGC member which demanded the cancellation of the resolution. Mr. Adnan Pachachi led the issue to a vote. The meeting was attended by 20 out of 25 of the IGC members. 15 voted to cancel resolution 137 and 5 members voted against, including one woman. Four members angrily left the meeting and went to discuss the matter with Mr Bremer.

It is important to note that the resolution never came into effect because
it had not been ratified by Bremer.

Ms. Raja al Khazaai, had submitted the proposal to the IGC following the
recommendation of the founding conference of the association that she had established called 'The National Council for Iraqi Women'. The IGC did not consider the second part of the conference recommendation that demanded that '40% of the seats in all institutions such as the Parliament,
government, etc. be held by women'

They go on to say that these details are not available in English-language press as of yet, so the WLUML site can only cite links to Arabic-language information sources like Aman, the Arab Regional Resource Centre on Violence Against Women.

Some Early Signs of the Apocalypse, and / or Signs of the Hopefulness of Humanity
...depending on your state of mind.

I think that the fact that Holiday Inn hasn't bulldozed this place and rebuilt something that doesn't make you want to roll around on the ground moaning is a sign of something... probably some high-level manager's denial of the end of the 1970's. But perhaps also someone's love for the ugly, dedication to preserving the flawed architectural choices of our forebears, someone with a quirky sense of humor... ... and keep in mind that the photo depicts its FLATTERING angle. Its BACKSIDE. The view from the street-- the main entrance-- the facade, if you will, is a huge one-story slab of corrugated aluminum with a big orange swoopy "girl-handwriting" style HOLIDAY INN bolted to it.

Another sign of something: the postal worker who sold me stamps this morning had taped to the top of her scale-- with numerous swaths of clear packing tape-- a small Valentine chocolate heart still partially in its purple foil "smiley faced heart" wrapper. It is hermetically sealed to her metal scale. A future generation will be able to dig up that scale from the earthquake rubble and eat that chocolate with no fear of spoilage.

It is my guess that one of her children gave it to her. I wonder about her relationship with her children, and if it's a good one. So, I consider this heart affixation as a sign of parental hope. That if she keeps that chocolate heart from being eaten, her children's hearts will be good, and available to her, even through the "but I'll DIE if you cancel HBO" years.

The last sign of something that I'd like everyone to consider is this: a very old woman about to get a pedicure with an extreme expression of delight on her face. This was seen in one of those typical manicure/ pedicure places that REEKS of chemicals. The workers in these places, all seemingly tiny seemingly Chinese women, usually wear white dust filtration masks. But no, not these workers! And their place is always full of customers, so they must get a LOT of exposure to chemicals. But this elderly white lady was not thinking about the chemicals. She was rubbing her bare feet together in plain view of the world, sitting right inside the plate glass window in the storefront. She looked right at me.. or was it through me? She was like a mannikin from a Twilight Zone episode, come to life and not yet fully clothed, plotting her next move as she waited for the chemically-resistant Chinese women to apply their Pedicure-from-Beyond. There was something renewing and yet oddly off-putting about this big white woman's wide anticipatory smile.

OK, back to the daily grind of waiting for the organization where I work to finally die.

My New Favorite Weirdness From The Land of the Rising Sun

I was shopping for a Hello Kitty tampon sorter (pencil cup, that is) as is my wont when I find myself in Chinatown-- this time in Oakland, where "China-town" is mostly Vietnamese and Korean people with plenty of Chinese and Japanese plastic oddities for sale, and what before my wondering eyes should appear but the merchandise promoting...

Pucca the tomboy and her eternal love Garu.

Of course I mistook Garu (the boyish one) for Pucca and assumed it was the story of a little butch dyke pursuing a little femme dyke. I swear you could not have convinced me that "Garu" was a "ninja." Or that the little girlie girl "Pucca" was a "tomboy."

Oh well, the sensation is over, but I still like the idea of the merchandising of a dyke-romance/ stalking situation. I mean every piece of Pucca/ Garu product says "A Funny Lovestory." What's funnier than a little cartoon butch carrying a sword stalking a little cartoon femme bathing herself in a jacuzzi (as is shown on one of the two tampon sorters-- uh, pencil cups-- that I bought for $2.75 each)?

Does Anyone Else Know That Iraq Passed an ERA and Ratified CEDAW? I Mean, Before the US Has?

I knew there was a reason I stopped listening to Laura Flanders' show on KALW in the morning--- it gets me all riled up before I'm even at my computer.

Today the amazing Ms. Flanders covered the issue of women's rights in Iraq.

I learned that years ago Iraq surpassed the US for supporting women's equal rights, at least on paper. In 1959 they passed a family law (Personal Status Law) considered one of the most progressive in the Middle East. It...

...protected women, favoring the woman as children's guardian in divorce cases. It also conditioned polygamy on the agreement of the first wife.

(according to Truthout.org.)

In other reading I see that it also protected the women from being divorced simply by the husband announcing three times that they were divorced. Also, women, if divorced, could stay in the house where they were living, and the husband would have to leave.


And now the US is helping them build a new constitution... and sift out the rights of women their old constitution protected. Women currently comprise 65% of the population (no doubt partly as a result of Hussein's external wars and internal security campaigns, expending the lives of more men than women). And while the two women appointed (by US officials) to the new Iraqi Interim Governing Council were out of the room, the council passed Resolution 137, a resolution which puts the slippery Islamic code of laws Sharia into force in place of previous family law, and so a resolution which...

...could give self-appointed religious clerics the authority to inflict grave human rights violations on Iraqi women, including denial of the rights to education, employment, freedom of movement and travel, property inheritance and custody of their children. Forced early marriage, polygamy, compulsory religious dress, wife beating, execution by stoning as punishment for female adultery and public flogging of women for disobeying religious rules could all be sanctioned if the Resolution is upheld.

...So says the NGO Madre in their statement opposing Resolution 137.

One of the people interviewed on the show was Yanar Mohammed, the founder of the Organization for Women’s Freedom in Iraq, who is currently receiving death threats for her public opposition to Resolution 137.

For some reason I can't find the Madre call for letters demanding her protection on the Madre website-- get the address for the US administrator in Iraq Paul Bremer and a sample letter here at the Occupation Watch website. You can also sign petitions in support of Yanar and against Resolution 137 here at the Iraqi Women's Rights Coalition website.

Now what is CEDAW and what does it mean that Iraq ratified CEDAW and the US didn't (and probably won't)? Iraq ratified CEDAW-- the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women, also called the International Treaty for the Rights of Women-- in 1986. They were one of the first countries to ratify it. The US has not and does not intend to ratify it. There are currently 175 ratifying states. CEDAW is not a panacea, but the fact that the US doesn't even want to show INTENTION of supporting global equal rights for women is truly shameful. We are the control freaks of the world, unwilling to sign any treaty or convention that might allow our citizens any rights above those supposedly guaranteed in our own national constitution. Now, it's not like Iraq was some haven of lavender-tinted feminist perfection, but according to Human Rights Watch, historically, Iraqi women and girls have enjoyed relatively more rights than many of their counterparts in the Middle East. And more rights, constitutionally, than women in the US! HRW continues-- "The Iraqi Provisional Constitution (drafted in 1970) formally guaranteed equal rights to women..."

Now where did we put our Equal Rights Amendment...? I remember seeing it around here somewhere...

The Equal Rights Amendment, first proposed in 1923, is still not part of the U.S. Constitution. 

(...says equalrightsamendment.org.)

Ah, yes, that's where we left it.

OK, So I Was Wrong--- There Wasn't Anything In There About Giving Up Your First-Born to Gavin Newsom

Here they are, in their officially scripted glory:

San Francisco City and County Marriage Vows
February 12, 2004

We are gathered herein the presence of witnesses for the purpose of uniting in
matrimony___________ and ________________

The contract of marriage is most solemn and is not to be entered into lightly, but thoughtfully and seriously with a deep realization of its obligations and responsibilities.

Please remember that love, loyalty and understanding are the foundations of a happy and enduring home.

No other human ties are more tender and no other vows more important than those you are about to pledge.

Please face each other and join hands.

Do you_____, take____________, to be your spouse for life?

Do you promise to love and comfort each other, honor and keep each other in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, for better or for worse and to be faithful to each as long as you both shall live?

Ring Ceremony

Place the ring on his/her finger and repeat after me to him/her.

I give you this ring in token and pledge of my constant faith and abiding love.

With this ring, I Thee wed (repeat)

Now that you have joined yourselves in matrimony, may you strive all your lives to meet this commitment with the same love and devotion that you now possess.

By virtue of the authority vested in me by the State of California, I now pronounce you,
spouses for life.

In All the Confusion...

A newlywed just posted this to a queer women's mailing list:

Was anyone on this list a deputy marriage commissioner at City Hall this past weekend, or does anyone know anyone who might have the text of the vows that were read during the ceremonies in City Hall? As we recapped this weekend, we realized that we can't remember them and we're wondering exactly what we agreed to!!

I suppose you didn't catch that part about giving the city your firstborn child, did you?

If You Want to Marry Your Dog, Please Keep It on the QT

I have made more notes on the big marriage fandango happening here in SF, but I can't remember where I put them at the moment... so I'll just share one thing: the stupidest anti-same-sex-marriage sign I have seen.

It was a photo on Yahoo News, a guy hiding his face behind the sign "I Want to Marry My Dog." (Oops-- they moved the photo.) First of all, who doesn't? And second of all, why are you telling us? Isn't that a little personal to share with the class?

In 1975 when a Boulder county clerk Clela Rorex issued a month's worth of marriage licenses to same-sex couples, someone else had the same overdisclosing impulse:

One outraged man came into town with his mare, Dolly, and asked Rorex to marry them. Her answer was no - at 8 years old, the horse was under age, she said.

That's from a nice interview with Clela in the SF Chronicle, by Suzanne Herel (Feb. 14, 2004).

Again, I say, who doesn't want to marry their horse-- honest, faithful, quiet, uncomplicated-- but really, people, it is oversharing to take your horse to the county clerk's office in hopes of a license.

Meanwhile, one of the weekend's best photographic depictions of gay newlywed joy: a bouncy butch on the city hall steps (Oops-- they moved the photo.).

And a few other stray thoughts while perusing the pictures of married people
If monogamous is being involved with only one woman, and you theoretically are in a negotiated/ open involvement, are you monogaflexible?

Good god in heaven, someone has devised a Tampon Angel Pattern.

I'm not sure what the effects of long-term unemployment might be on the craft-oriented individual: but for the grace of the gods, there may go I... to the feminine hygiene stash to get craft ideas...

The Funnest Civil Disobedience Ever

These are some scattered notes I made after returning from presiding over my friends' wedding (real wedding, legal, married, the whole 9) down at San Francisco city hall today.

---

Friday. I wear to work the velour leisure suit and plaid shirt: the mayor legalized marriage yesterday, why is THIS the day they call me to help preside over their (second) ceremony-- and their white and silver dresses make them a focus for the press-- I carry the train to cover my outfit

the injunction is denied across the street says the radio news reporter

lines of people like at the queer film festival-- cruising the line for friends-- down a long hall, through the rotunda area, over into the cafeteria, almost to the the back door into Civic Center-- red velvet rope-lined crowds of the merrily civil-disobedient

young and old, children in strollers

two men, 60-somethings, grey-haired & blurry-eyed, looked like they survived a lot / not expecting to survive to see this, no preparation, just "I do" and "I do" with a grey-bearded judge in black robes asking them to love and protect eachother as long as they both shall live, pronouncing them spouses for life under the top of the rotunda of city hall, hardly any witnesses, but everyone who saw in tears

the mayor throwing a reception for the whole city full of newlyweds. An enterprising chocolatier is handing out boxes of chocolate to the newlyweds as they came down the stairs, little red taffeta bags of chocolate to the attendings-- "you probably didn't have time to get a cake"

standing in line at the registrar's office -- someone jokes "what are you here for?" to the two women in matching white wedding dresses carrying bouquets-- I replied "where are the tax forms?"

Molly -- my old sexkitten acquaintance from the Coco Club/ Fairy Butch early days-- now a lawyer and marriage rights activist-- finally got to wear her dress for something other than a protest or a "domestic partnership" ceremony-- she and her little formal butch partner all over the front pages of every local paper (Phyl and Del not the most photogenic after 51 years together)

the Japanese mother on one knee adjusting her daughter's train, gilt on white, breathtakingly ornate, like an outtake of a scene in the Japanese Tea Garden under pink cherry blossoms, but instead in a swirl of people in city hall-- a heteronormative moment-- finally sensing within myself that "this is normal." I find myself cruising dress fashion and hairstyles.

a straight woman attending got on her cell to her mother-in-law, a dyke, to get down there and get married (they are open tomorrow for Valentine's Day)

the white 30-something short-haired woman hurrying barefoot across the shiny floor in a simple, short brown silk dress, carrying a bouquet of red rose buds, a child running behind her carrying a pair of high-heeled open-toed shoes

I see the butch bride standing for pictures is the drummer from the punk band "Frozen Chicken Patty," one of their attendings is a famous dominatrix... a dyke community moment on the steps of city hall, amidst reporters interviewing kids whose parents finally could get married

------ Other Unrelated Thoughts As I Perused the Gay Married People----
If heteroflexible are people not always just sleeping with other straight people, then are:
homoflexible- people not always sleeping with other homosexuals, and
biflexible- people not always sleeping with other bisexuals, and
transflexible- people not always identifying as other than their doctor-assigned-at-birth-gender?

My Latest Scheme for Self-Employment

Introducing:

Slam-o-Grams
"...for those not lucky enough to be dating a poet." (-- my girlfriend's idea, that slogan. Har har.)

Featuring...

Sinister performance poetry brought to your door to make your loved one's special day unforgettable.

Optional Features include...

A silent film in the background (i.e. a war documentary, or a Charlie Chaplin movie)

A conga drummer

Freestyling on the topic of your choice from our menu:
-- homelessness
-- methamphetamine addiction
-- public transport
-- codependency
-- sexual exploitation
-- high school reunions

    Have a Slam-o-riffic Day!

Please don't confuse my services with the valuable but VERY DIFFERENT Giantess Adrena's Slam-o-grams...

...where she wrestles the birthday boy (or girl) to the ground. [Says Adrena,] “I’m all dressed up in my wrestling suit. I turn my music on, grab the guy and belly bop him and I stuff his face in my boobs and I slam him with my pelvic pile-driver and knocker locker and then I put him on the floor and slam him. The finale is that I put them on the ground and sit on them and I spank their butt. I sit on their face, forwards or backwards. Then I put them in a headlock and hand the whip to their significant other.”

OK, There Wasn't Supposed to Be a Bra Under That Breast-Cup Thing

Teatgate takes another convoluted twist...

A Groovy Close-up of the Janet Jackson Panel of Shame

And Our Superbowl Champion is... Wait, it's a Photo Finish! It's Janet Jackson, By a Nipple!

No, really, it was a good game. I was so angry last year when I finally had a home team (the Raiders) going to the Superbowl and they acted like... well... I'm speechless, it was so shameful. It's like their mothers had all yelled at them that morning. Their hearts weren't in it. They handed the ball to Tampa Bay and curled up in the fetal position. But this year, the teams really struggled, and even the losers had oodles of fabulous (record-setting!) plays, like those super-hero-esque vertical leaps-- once even floating into a gazelle-like run/ touchdown. The teams were humble, they were earnest, they were playing good football.

The entire opening ceremony, and half-time show, however, were sickening stews of rancid Americana, with only one shining-- like a sun!-- moment. The tasteless cameo of Janet Jackson's fantastic nipple piercing. And then the commentators straining to not comment on it, since it was illegal for us to have seen what we so most certainly did see.

Boy do I prefer European TV... they don't pretend like the human female breast is all that. They have totally inured the poplace to the effect, grinding boobies into your face in the middle of morning yoga programs. They would rather shock you with the newest news about the US government breaking with UN protocol and then toppling other governments for breaking with UN protocol. That's the stuff Europeans think should be illegal.

OK, So Why This Reaction to the Word 'Velour,' People?

First of all, I don't know much about the word, or (ahem) how to spell it, apparently. But now my laserbeam of curiosity has been drawn to it. I have to know why all these negative semantics have been glued to the hapless word 'velour.'

Yes, it is a cheap knock-off of velvet. But so is velveteen, and you don't see people screwing up their faces when you say you've bought a velveteen leisure suit, now do you?

Just because I'm 46 work days away from a date with my green comfy chair and a navy blue velour leisure suit doesn't mean I'm going to turn into Archie Bunker.

(An aside: you want to know what Google spit up as one of the top-seeded hits for the search "archie bunker" + velour? "Jesus?: The Only 2000 Year Old Whore", a lovely little page by Thefucksociety.com.)

I notice that "velour leisure suit" is noted as a "funky trend" by a seller on eBay. It is a trend being accessorized by some of the most tasteful designers in the biz, too. Check out this hat, described by its creator-- "No leisure suit would be complete without this soft and funky lid."

So maybe it's not the word "velour" that sets people's teeth on edge. Maybe it's the combination of the cognitively-dissonant words "leisure" and "suit." Velour just tops it off, like the word "secret" in the phrase "secret army intelligence."

Speaking of army intelligence, I can't believe the genius that is Jon Stewart (of the Daily Show on Comedy Central). Last night he had Richard Pearle, a Gulf War II apologist (author of "How to Win the War on Terror"), on the show, and when he asked him if he thought we'd have gone to war even if we hadn't had faulty intelligence of WMD, Mr. Pearle said that we would have, since Hussein was operating in direct violation of UN directives. Jon LAUGHED OUT LOUD in HIS FACE. I have never seen him do that. Poor Pearle was so taken off guard that he started chuckling too, which was really creepy, like he was in on it that the excuse was a farce and wasn't it kind of funny. Jon laughed into the rhetorical question "*WHO* was in violation of UN directives? It's like saying we had to violate the UN's laws to protect it from the guy who violated its laws!" (my faulty memory's paraphrasing... but he said nearly exactly that) -- and then he started off in another direction of inquiry before the guy could get his footing. Wow, what a kung fu talk show moment. He had Richard Pearle KO'd in under four minutes. He stood and almost bolted off the set as soon as the music came up to end his interview.

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I'm a little giddy about Jon Stewart today: my girlfriend, who refers to Jon as "my boyfriend," last night just gave me a pillowcase with Jon's face (downloaded from the graphic on his Comedy Central website) ironed-on to it (thanks to some eBay wingnut who sells custom iron-ons). Then I dreamt that he had me over to he and his wife's house and we bonded over having happy childhoods. It was a good night all around, in other words.

Now for you other Jon Stewart fans, here's a Daily Show commentary blog-- it's a safe space just for you and me.

How I'm Preparing for Unemployment

1. Building my meditation endurance up from 3 minutes-- for time-killing on those days when looking for a new job consists of watching the interminable construction going on in the alley I can see from my armchair to see if they need any help. And building the cat's endurance for future all-day laser-pointer marathons.

2. Stocking up on the staples: soup, aspirin, catnip.

3. Assessing the value of personal items for future sale on eBay.

4. Scheduling future volunteer time at a local kids' tutoring center (so I can get free access to DSL, a fax and photocopier).

5. Shopping for new radical hair color(s) at local slacker coffee shops.

6. Conditioning my cat to wake me up AFTER 9 am.

7. Stealing office supplies from my future ex-employer. (I mean more than usual.)

8. Renewing relations with sex worker friends who sometimes have interesting day-laborer opportunities.

9. Mapping out a daytime TV schedule of MASH, Law and Order and ER reruns.

10. Finally getting my first valour leisure suit. (Yes!)

Wait, I think this is a spoof...

But it did take me a minute to realize this isn't the blog of the Prime Minister of Australia.

This was the tip off:

Australia is like the place to be seen now. Like, not only is the President of the world George Bush coming here, so is the President of China, Hu Jintao. They have heaps in common, like they're both Presidents and neither were actually elected. So I rang up George to tell him, and I'm all, "Dude, Hu is coming here!" And he's all, "I give up, who's comin'?" And I'm all, "No, HU is coming!" and he goes, "I said I don't know, who's comin'?" And I go "Hu!" And he goes, "Yeah, I said I don't know, who?" And I go, "Hu's coming!" And he goes, "What? Who is coming? Ya'll gonna tell me?" And I go, "Hu Jintao, the President of China!" And he goes, "Who?"

George is such a kidder. Smart AND a sense of humor. He's so dreamy.

Lord of the Rings Fans Take Heed

I've been slacking on my blog lately due to Real Life Stress, but I always have time for LoTR Gay Slash Art, and LoTR characters' Very Secret Diaries, including that of Ringwraith Number 5, who saeth therein:

Day 1,001,107

V. close to nabbing Ringbearer tonight, but head Nazgul suffered attack of giggles while observing excessive cuddliness of Ringbearer and his three “companions.”

The Global Development Briefing Summary on Bam

IRAN: The oil-rich Gulf states Dec. 29 earmarked $400 million in aid for victims of Iran's earthquake, hours after the United Nations appealed for more money as it began assessing the damage. In Riyadh, Kuwaiti Finance Minister Mahmud Abdel Khaleq al-Nuri said the Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC) states had agreed to send the aid. Meanwhile, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Iran's supreme leader, has pledged to rebuild the historic city of Bam, devastated by an earthquake Dec. 26, reports BBC online. The ayatollah visited the Silk Route city to tell people the Iranian leadership shared their sorrow at the deaths of some 22,000 people. Iranian authorities say tens of thousands of people are desperately in need of food, water and shelter after the most lethal quake in more than a decade. Up to 40,000 people may have been killed, 30,000 injured and 100,000 left homeless, according to a preliminary assessment. Up to 90 percent of all buildings in the city were significantly or totally damaged, a joint U.N. assessment team in Bam on Dec. 27 reported. With temperatures in the area falling below freezing at night, donations of tents and blankets were seen as essential to provide immediate relief.

Click here for the gritty details on the relief efforts from the UN Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs.

The Iranian Red Crescent Society (IRCS) is the place to send your donations. E-mail bamdonate@rcs.ir for more information on donating to the work of the IRCS in Bam.

Stalking (and Swilling) Absinthe

I'm typing with some difficulty because of cuts on my fingers from driving my car after the driver's side windows had been broken in (the second break-in within as many months)-- glass and the perp's blood were all over the inside of the car, ew-- but also I'm typing with trouble because of...

Absinthe Distillee "Un Emile" from Pontarlier, France
68% alc. by vol., plus distilled wormwood and green anise.

Here are the descriptions from Absinthe Online:

Plain "Emile 68"-- "Emile Pernot 68 is a premium 68% abv absinthe traditionally made to a 19th century recipe by steeping Grand wormwood (Artemisia absinthium), green anise, fennel and other plants in alcohol and distilling the macerated charge in an absinthe still. "

Sapin-- (slightly greener/ more opaque than the plain) "As with Un Emile 68, this absinthe is made traditionally by steeping Grand wormwood (Artemisia absinthium), green anise, fennel and other plants in alcohol and distilling the macerated charge in an absinthe still. The colour is achieved naturally by soaking plants in the distillate. No oils or artificial colouring have been used and no star anise has been used to enhance the louche."

La Blanche-- "Un Emile 68 'La Blanche' is a clear absinthe made in the style of a Swiss La Bleue. La Bleue is highly sought after and is produced in clandestine stills throughout the Neuchatel region of Switzerland. Unfortunately, because of the illicit nature of the product, the quality and consistency cannot be guaranteed. Un Emile 68 'La Blanche' is the first la Bleue to be made commercially available."

Read "Drinkboy's" article on absinthe, with a link to an article on the history of the drink.

Your Agony

I know this is probably a really well-intentioned person-- and by the looks of his links list probably a refugee from the Islamic World working on getting sexual orientation-based asylum in Canada-- but you just can't imagine the restraint it is taking not to submit some wise-ass question on his "agony form."

Please go here and click on the link to YOUR AGONY (and the ever-lovin' graphic he attached to that thought). Let's see how YOUR self-restraint holds up.

He also has a "Gay & lesbian form" which I'm restraining myself from using.