One Month Before My Trip to Yugoslavia the Prime Minister of Serbia Has Been Killed

...high time to return to the land of make-believe!



Last year, soon after I started this blog, I got sucked into rereading The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe somehow... I vaguely remember picking it up out of a free box or off of the top of a garbage bin or something. Naturally, it took over my life, and I ended up having a face-off between Aslan and Dumbledore -- check out that entry to see who won. Recently I discovered that I apparently wrote but failed to follow through and post the second half of my insanity, when I threw Voldemort and the White Witch Jadis into the ring. So here we go.



One word aside about these two villains and their creators: I was feeling a little bitter about how The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobewas so brazenly New Testament on my adult re-read, and when I started researching the etymology of the White Witch's name, I was DEEPLY disturbed to find out that Lewis' arch-villain was named after an indigenous Arabian tribe, one of the ancestor tribes of the Hebrews. Rowling's villain's etymology is much less problematic for me... everybody hates the French (her racialization of the house elves and bank goblins are something else, yuk). But anyway. Back to our ringside seats, Aslan and Dumbledore throwing popcorn from up in the cheap seats somewhere...





Voldemort

(French for Flight or Theft of Death)

vs.

Jadis the Jewess I mean White Witch

(name of an indigenous tribe in Arabia)



Supervillain Minimum Requirements Compared:


Mask V. - / J. - neither have a cool mask

Armor V. - / J. - again, both fall short

Cape V. + / J. ++ both have, but J. ensares Edmund with her sexy fur -- rrrrow

Has own country V. - / J. +

Refers to self in third person V. - / J. -

Has a degree V. + / J. -



Subtally: V. 1 / J. 3: Jadis has Voldemort doubled over on the ropes with her magnificent cape around his wimpy throat. Down kitty!



Supervillain Added Bonus Personality & Physical Enhancements Compared:



Adaptability & agility

V. + / J. - he's got that changing bodies and form thing going on

Delusions of grandeur & creates world in own image

V. + / J. ++ both have, but J. makes her world all winter, all the time

Creativity

V. + / J. - I've got to hand it to V., Jadis is just too rigid about laws and rules and tradition

Lack of fallibility

V. + / J. - they are both fallible, but Jadis makes some really bad judgement calls- I would trust Voldemort to do my taxes, but not Jadis

Knowledge of the magical loopholes

V. + / J. - Jadis is just a leeetle more out of the loop, so to say

Woundedness & despair

V. + / J. - J. is just too concerned about day to day details & comes off as a busybody next to Voldemort's tragic glowering raised-in-an-orphanage depression

Genetic giftedness for the part

V. - / J. ++ the daughter of the ancient Hebrew Dark Goddess Lillith! Cha-ching!

Apparent celibacy, probable gayness

V. + / J. + high marks all around here

Panache & overall style

V. - / J. + V. smells bad, J. has cool castle



And staggering to the middle of the ring with a fist raised high...

With a tally of V. 8 / J. 9

... it's Jadis with the cool castle, Goddess lineage and big sexy cape! She's taking a victory lap! The crowd goes wild!



That was a tough match, and I have to say my favorite Jadis sure had a run for her money. She has GOT to go to Hogwarts and learn some of those "Deep Magic" loopholes that Voldepants knows.



Tomorrow... hopefully no assassinations!