Late Breaking News Alert: Cement Lawn Ornament Thief on the Loose

This is a clipping from the Watertown Daily Times, saved by my alert parents for me back at the end of October.

Woman Accused of Having Man's Lawn Ornament

Kimberly E. Robinette, 39, of 247 High St., Apt. 47, was charged Wednesday by city police with fifth-degree criminal possession of stolen property and is due to appear in City Court.

Police allege that about 4 a.m. Oct. 29, she was found possessing a cement lawn ornament belonging to David W. Johnson, 202 W. Main St. She had the item wrapped in her jacket near the Johnson residence, police said.

So, 1) what were the police doing out there at 4 a.m.? They picked her up right by the crime scene. They don't have beat cops in Watertown, so someone called the cops on her. So, my guess is she was totally drunk and made a huge racket dragging this cement statue of the Virgin Mary or whatever it was out of its bathrub or whatever it was planted in. Mr. Johnson was pretty pissed is my other guess.

2) what is FIFTH degree criminal possession of stolen property? Is this a special category for lawn ornaments?

3) I can never get enough of the specificity of the information they give. Her age, address, AND apartment number. Can't they leave a lawn ornament coveter in peace?

News from the Frozen Tundra: We're Cold, We're Hungry

From the Watertown Daily Times police blotter again:

Carthage Woman Accused of Stealing Two Blankets

CARTHAGE, NY - A Carthage woman was arrested Wednesday after allegedly stealing two blankets worth $17 each from Kinney Drugs on State Street.

Paula Burke, 47, of 611 State St., was charged with petit larceny and received an appearance ticket to return to village court.

Poor lady, I think we can call that a crime of survival.

Denny's Patron is Accused of Not Paying $11.91 Bill

A Watertown man was charged early Friday with skipping out on his bill at Denny's restaurant, 1142 Arsenal St.

Dana M. Zmijewski, 18, of 419 S. Massey St., was charged by city police at 1:28 a.m. with theft of services for allegedly leaving the restaurant at 11:54 p.m. Thursday without paying and $11.91 bill. He is scheduled to answer the charge in City Court.

OK, notice the time delay. He left the restaurant and an HOUR AND A HALF later the police caught up. Was there a chase? Did they take down his plates and run it by their database and just drive up to his house in the middle of the night? How bored ARE the "city" police up here?

I just want to add, after yesterday eating lunch at a local eatery a few miles down the road, Denny's is actually one of our nicer restaurants, where food is not being prepared exactly the way you would prepare it at home. Yesterday at "The Hotel Adams" (a hotel from the 1890's that has a "restaurant" in it consisting of a menu of fried food to go along with the long wrap-around bar) my father ordered a tunafish sandwich, and he got two slices of $2-a-loaf whole wheat with canned tunafish slabbed on it, cut slantwise. Nothing but the slopped on fish mush, not even a piece of lettuce. Luckily, their sandwiches are only $3.

Hm, it's closing in on the weekend, what shall we do...?

From the Watertown Daily Times, here are our options:

At least 19 different churches and fire halls in the region are hosting Bingo, including a "Bingo Marathon." Socially acceptable gambling, anyone?

One sock hop and four square dances. Surprisingly, only one line dance.

Chess, bridge, and euchre at various retirement centers, churches and Elks lodges.

Yoga is very hip-- at least four different yoga centers in the region are offering classes.

OK, here's a health activity now being offered in our one college town in the region, Potsdam:

Free screening: For performance artists with pain related to their art, 3 to 5 p.m. the third Wednesday of the month, Canton-Potsdam Hospital.

Wow, for all two performance artists in the tri-county region! Some resident at the hospital must have gotten a grant or something.

Other weekend activities include Arthritic Aquafit, Free Skin Tumor and Lesion Detection Clinic, and several childbirth preparation classes.

Then there are two columns of listings for snowshoeing and dogsledding. BYOS, BYOD. Bring your own snowshoes, bring your own dogs.

Lastly, Boonville Senior Citizens Center is trying to drum up participants for a group trip to Alaska.

The fun never stops!

Actually I am bummed I'm leaving before the Jan. 1st "Res-ZOO-lution Run" - a 10 km snowshoe and cross-country ski across the land where the local zoo is located. There's a free pancake breakfast! And the view from up on that fold of land is really gorgeous, if it isn't winter white-out conditions.

I'm home in Northern New York for a week, and that means...
More NORTH COUNTRY BRIEFS from the Watertown Daily Times!

In the N.Co. Briefs this morning:

Pair Accused of Stealing Brownies from Home

Norfolk, NY - Two Norfolk men who allegedly took some holiday baking
were arrested by state police Sunday.

Anthony George, 23, and Royjohn L. Gurrola, 18, entered an unoccupied
Norfolk home and stole a watch and brownies, troopers said.

They were arraigned in Norfolk Town Court on second-degree burglary
charges and each was ordered held in the St. Lawrence County jail,
Canton, on $2,000 bail.

Those must have been some tasty brownies.

Let me point out that the guys did not break and enter. The house was probably a) left unlocked, and b) a neighbor's house where they already are regulars. I'm also speculating they are high school buddies of the man of the house, and he got married not too long ago, and the wife is the one who called the State Police. I'm also guessing this is not the first time they have walked off with quantities of food. I can just see her eyes narrowing... "THIS time they'll PAY!"

You know, I actually once was friends with a Tony George from up that way, but he would be 35 or so now. I wonder if this was a relative of his. Wouldn't be a big surprise. He was a big stoner. Now that adds color to the picture. Tony and Royjohn (love that name) were probably REALLY STONED that they walked out of the house with a watch and a pan of brownies, ignoring the TV and stereo.

The Golden Flower Is, Indeed, Cursed

I just saw Curse of the Golden Flower (Man cheng jin dai huang jin jia ) by famed director Yimou Zhang of Raise the Red Lantern and House of Flying Daggers fame. It features the incomparable Gong Li (or, Li Gong, by the Chinese form of Last Name First).

This was a Shakespearean parable which turned very cartoony at a certain point. The San Francisco audience I saw it with tonight all cracked up at the climax when the soap-opera-ness of the quick series of close-up reaction shots (her reaction! his reaction! her reaction to his reaction! him looking at his reaction to her reacting to his reaction to her reaction!). And then, after an exhausting and disorienting wild ride (or, for me, a refreshing holiday family romp of blood and mayhem-- I felt quite rested, with a much better mood than I went in with), we were unable to do the traditional San Francisco audience applause at the end of the opening night's first showing because-- the credits rolled to the tune of a sappy POP SONG! It was a 9th-10th century AD period piece, with no music - almost no music at all- that had us all hypnotized by sparse panicky noise and uneven breathing and clashing weapons- and the spell was wiped away by an upbeat contemporary pop song! Weird, weird bad choice. Kind of a stunningly bad choice.

The rundown:

Jesus Figure: none! Nobody was driven to their ruin and then redeemed to greater glory, nobody. A classic tragedy.

Lesbian Movie Standard: met. Two women have a conversation about something other than a man. Gong Li's Empress character has a conversation with Chen Jin's mysterious Physician's Wife character about the way she was being poisoned.

Gay Character: the Empress' eunuch, who helped foment the revolt. He only gets a brief screen appearance, but there he is.

Guilty Pleasure: the bouncing boobs in those tight push-up bodices. Even one set of boobs decorated with shiny gold butterfly adornments (watch for it in one of the early scenes where Gong Li is taking her "medicine").

One review I just read notes that this is basically a lot like Raise the Red Lantern (the rottenness of royal/ upperclass living) but with melodrama and soap opera-ness and flying martial arts scenes. I still recommend R. the R. Lantern over this or almost any movie out there, period. It is a completely awe-inspiring movie. This, not so much. But still worth the price of seeing it in a real theatre. Really, the stage setting of carved rainbow-flourite palace lattice-work walls is STUNNING. My favorite scene is the mysterious Physician's Wife spotting her - we later learn - son through the translucent rainbow flourite lattice-work, and following him at a run - so the rainbow gemstone blurs... and then suddenly it's a fight scene (and that little ninja lady can really fight!).