Saturday, December 30, 2006

Late Breaking News Alert: Cement Lawn Ornament Thief on the Loose

This is a clipping from the Watertown Daily Times, saved by my alert parents for me back at the end of October.

    Woman Accused of Having Man's Lawn Ornament

    Kimberly E. Robinette, 39, of 247 High St., Apt. 47, was charged Wednesday by city police with fifth-degree criminal possession of stolen property and is due to appear in City Court.

    Police allege that about 4 a.m. Oct. 29, she was found possessing a cement lawn ornament belonging to David W. Johnson, 202 W. Main St. She had the item wrapped in her jacket near the Johnson residence, police said.

So, 1) what were the police doing out there at 4 a.m.? They picked her up right by the crime scene. They don't have beat cops in Watertown, so someone called the cops on her. So, my guess is she was totally drunk and made a huge racket dragging this cement statue of the Virgin Mary or whatever it was out of its bathrub or whatever it was planted in. Mr. Johnson was pretty pissed is my other guess.

2) what is FIFTH degree criminal possession of stolen property? Is this a special category for lawn ornaments?

3) I can never get enough of the specificity of the information they give. Her age, address, AND apartment number. Can't they leave a lawn ornament coveter in peace?

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