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"Removing All Sorrow"


I'm a 29 year old kind-of-widow whose lesbian partner died last October, and as my dear-departed's 51st birthday approaches- and the 1st anniversary of the shitty event that happened on the day after her birthday, 9/11 - I've been noticing a word turning up in lyrics of the sad songs I listen to that seems to beg to be examined: Nepenthe. I'm not a lyrics-listener usually (I'm still sometimes shocked to find out what Led Zeppelin's songs are talking about even after playing the tapes ragged for years), but sometimes a word gets stuck in my mind like a catchy tune. Don't ask me what kind of music I listen to that uses words like Nepenthe. I can't remember what albums I'm listening to-- I'm a widow: I have griefheimers.

From Webster's as found on Bibliomania...


"Nepenthe: (Ne*pen"the) n. [Fr. Gr. removing all sorrow; hence, an epithet of an Egyptian drug which lulled sorrow for the day; not + sorrow, grief.] A drug used by the ancients to give relief from pain and sorrow; — by some supposed to have been opium or hasheesh. Hence, anything soothing and comforting. Quaff, O quaff this kind nepenthe. -- Poe ."

Poe's quote is part of the wish for forgetfulness from the narrator of "The Raven" who couldn't bear to live with the memory of a lover who had died.



The herb the ancients called Nepenthe was probably actually borage, a weed often found in garbage heaps and at the edge of gardens. Borage may be descended from a word meaning a couragous man in a Celtic tongue- "barrach." It may also come from a corrupted version of the Latin "cor" (heart) plus "ago" (I bring)- or courage, "I bring heart." Roman soldiers were given borage-steeped wine before battle. It makes you absolutely forget sadness and fear, and dwell only in the moment. Borage oil, something you can buy in any health food store, is sold as a source of healthy fatty acids, for heart trouble.

What my widow friends call griefheimers, absentmindedness due to grief, is the opposite of Nepenthe's state of mind-- it is dwelling so completely in the past that you forget the moment absolutely. It makes you lock your car keys in the car while it's running. It is a constant state of un-heartedness, humiliation-- spoiled food, stained clothes. Nepenthe is mental bleach.

Some mental bleach, as recommended by a widow friend:

equal measure boiling water and whiskey

a spoonful of honey

a squirt of lemon juice.

(a traditional English hot toddy)